stonebender | (no subject)

serenejournal has met a few people recently who say they know me. In each case the people were what I would consider acquaintances. In one case I had met the person face-to-face maybe twice and exchanged perhaps a handful of words. In another case, I had "known" the person via e-mail for years but never had occasion to sit down and say more than hello or goodbye face-to-face. Even online we may have read each other's posts to a common mailing list, but hadn't had much interaction directly with each other.

Yet both people seemed to think they knew me well enough that they could make predictions about my preferences or habits. In my mind, I didn't know either of them well. Yes, I knew their names. Yes, I could point them out in a crowd but know them? I didn't think I knew either of them at all, nor they I.

Now in the last few years I have been trying to put myself out there more. Trying to make new friends and new connections. Much of this is complicated by my natural reticence to organize get-togethers at my place and the inaccessibility of most people's houses. I have attempted to be more active on newsgroups and mailing lists and here. I haven't been particularly successful in boosting my word count.

So I'm wondering what makes people feel like they know someone? How many people on my friends list think they know me? And how well? Of those who think they know me do I seem "like me" online? Is this whole subject just a pathetic attempt at attention?

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I would agree that there's an element of "I have an idea how this person will think about this" to "knowing" them, but I think that can be deceptive, because people are so fluid. I do think, though, that if a person consistently tells me (or indicates in some way to me) that I have been correct in some assumption about them, I start feeling as though I know them.

Of course, there's also the classic, "Oh, you know me so well!" from someone.

Of course, there's also the classic, "Oh, you know me so well!" from someone.

That's what startles me, when they say that and are so clearly wrong.