stonebender | (no subject)

serenejournal has met a few people recently who say they know me. In each case the people were what I would consider acquaintances. In one case I had met the person face-to-face maybe twice and exchanged perhaps a handful of words. In another case, I had "known" the person via e-mail for years but never had occasion to sit down and say more than hello or goodbye face-to-face. Even online we may have read each other's posts to a common mailing list, but hadn't had much interaction directly with each other.

Yet both people seemed to think they knew me well enough that they could make predictions about my preferences or habits. In my mind, I didn't know either of them well. Yes, I knew their names. Yes, I could point them out in a crowd but know them? I didn't think I knew either of them at all, nor they I.

Now in the last few years I have been trying to put myself out there more. Trying to make new friends and new connections. Much of this is complicated by my natural reticence to organize get-togethers at my place and the inaccessibility of most people's houses. I have attempted to be more active on newsgroups and mailing lists and here. I haven't been particularly successful in boosting my word count.

So I'm wondering what makes people feel like they know someone? How many people on my friends list think they know me? And how well? Of those who think they know me do I seem "like me" online? Is this whole subject just a pathetic attempt at attention?

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In the usual way it comes up in social contexts, I think knowing someone usually just means being acquainted with them--having had enough interaction that you can identify them and know they can identify you, and expecting to have such interaction in the future (else, it would be "used to know"). At least, that's what I assume is meant by "Oh, you went to $school? Did you know so-and-so?" or "Oh, you're into $hobby? I know a guy on LJ who posts a lot about that." It doesn't, IME, tend to imply any especially deep or personal knowledge.

I think that's part of what's tripping me up. There is the I know someone well enough to identify the person and maybe know a little bit about them. Where they work. Who's connected to them. Then there is the I know someone well enough to call them and hang out. I know them well enough to have some history or common stories.

At least one of the people who said they knew me, seemed to claim much more knowledge of me than I would have expected. It seemed odd because when

serenejournal mentioned it my first reaction was, "that person would have no idea what my preference would be." It just felt weird.

So I would, in that context, say I know you. I wouldn't claim to know you well, certainly not well enough to make specific predictions...although I guess I'd make some fairly general predictions, such that I'd be startled if people attributed certain ideas or behaviors to you. (For example, I'd be fairly disbelieving if someone said you'd been making sexist or racist comments, or flaming newbies on a mailing list...) I guess I'd say I know you well enough to think you're generally pretty cool. :-)

Why thank you! Even though I don't reply to many of your alt.poly posts, you always bring a kind and well considered perspective to the group. I often find myself wanting to have said something similar to what you have written. I look forward to someday sitting down and having a nice long talk. I think you're pretty nifty yourself.