(no subject)

[stonebender]

I've been in a pretty bad emotional state for a few weeks now. I'm not exactly sure what has caused it. Perhaps my 60th birthday. Perhaps it's worrying about my partners. loracs has been having more and more trouble with her knee. serene has taken on a lot of responsibility for very good reasons, but I know it's stressful. I can't help but feel like I want to help them both and I just can't.

My mother died not that long ago (November). Along with the normal grief I have for losing her. Her death feels a little like I'm cut off from the rest of my family. It's complicated, but I made some decisions in my 20's that isolated me from my blood family. I was staying sort of connected through my parents, but now they both are dead I feel adrift about the rest of the family. I'm not even particularly sure that I want more connection. Being a recovering Catholic I get to feel guilty about that too.

I have upped my Zoloft and that seems to be helping things some. I have FOGcon 8 to go to soon. Which I look forward to and dread at the same time.

Saw The Post yesterday and really enjoyed it. Not at all what I expected it to be. Spielberg managed to include some not-so-subtle comments on gender and racial politics of the time. Some really nice small intimate scenes with women talking to other women about things other than some guy. I know that Meryl Streep is the perennial Oscar nominee. However her performance in this movie certainly merits another win. Not that I want her to get it again, there are plenty deserving actors this time around.

I'm trying to catch all the Oscar-nominated films, but I will fail.

I'm looking forward to the mid season premiere of The Walking Dead. I hope everyone is having a great weekend.

P.S. I've been looking at a few recent posts of my and realize I've gotten a bit repetitive. Sorry about that. I will try to come up with new topics. :-)

Comments

[snippy]

I don't find you repetitive, and I've had the same guilt. I haven't been well for a whole day since August of last year, and I don't post because it would be all negative. At least when you post I think about you for a minute instead of my own problems.

[stonebender]

Well, thanks I hope not to be boring. However I do post at times just to vent about what's going on with me or people I love. I try not to write too often when I'm having a bad time. I'm really sorry to hear you're having such a hard time. It might be useful to post once in a while just to let people know you're still hanging in, if not doing great. I appreciate getting "status" reports from people I care about. I also find that people's kind responses to my yammering helps me feel a tiny bit better. I also find that it helps me to write where people will read me. The act of writing a post helps me put things in some kind of perspective and people replying always makes me feel a little less crappy. You should do what you feel helps you get through the day. Please don't take my comments as any kind of pressure to write. I'm just telling you a little about how it functions for me. I am not the greatest at reading other people's blogs on any regular basis, but I would be interested in hearing how things are going for you. Just saying. Thank you for your feedback here.

[serene]

Just a datapoint for both of you: I'd rather hear from my friends and family when things are hard if they're up for it than not hear from them at all.

Which is not to say you're responsible for my happiness. Well, Guy is, but not snippy so much. :-)