Vague Wisdom

I received a very unexpected gift yesterday. I was sort of waiting on a CD I had ordered. So when loracs told me I had a package, I assumed that that was it. The box was overkill for a CD, but Amazon can be odd in their ideas of appropriate packaging. On opening it I found *bacon*! (is that a heavenly choir I hear?) Three packages of bacon in different flavors. One is hickory, another is called butter (I’ll have to try that one first). The third flavor I don’t remember, but it has the essential ingredient: Bacon! It took me a while to figure out where it came from, although I had my suspicions. Somehow we misplaced the sender’s name, but we eventually found it. My sweetie, serene sent me the food of the gods.

Years ago serene bought me a bacon-of-the-month-club membership as a present. I think I got more enjoyment out of my then vegetarian girlfriend sending me animal products than I enjoyed the actual meat. The idea tickled me greatly. Anyway thank you so much Buttercup. What a very special gift. I Love you.

I've been in a pretty bad emotional state for a few weeks now. I'm not exactly sure what has caused it. Perhaps my 60th birthday. Perhaps it's worrying about my partners. loracs has been having more and more trouble with her knee. serene has taken on a lot of responsibility for very good reasons, but I know it's stressful. I can't help but feel like I want to help them both and I just can't.

My mother died not that long ago (November). Along with the normal grief I have for losing her. Her death feels a little like I'm cut off from the rest of my family. It's complicated, but I made some decisions in my 20's that isolated me from my blood family. I was staying sort of connected through my parents, but now they both are dead I feel adrift about the rest of the family. I'm not even particularly sure that I want more connection. Being a recovering Catholic I get to feel guilty about that too.

I have upped my Zoloft and that seems to be helping things some. I have FOGcon 8 to go to soon. Which I look forward to and dread at the same time.

Saw The Post yesterday and really enjoyed it. Not at all what I expected it to be. Spielberg managed to include some not-so-subtle comments on gender and racial politics of the time. Some really nice small intimate scenes with women talking to other women about things other than some guy. I know that Meryl Streep is the perennial Oscar nominee. However her performance in this movie certainly merits another win. Not that I want her to get it again, there are plenty deserving actors this time around.

I'm trying to catch all the Oscar-nominated films, but I will fail.

I'm looking forward to the mid season premiere of The Walking Dead. I hope everyone is having a great weekend.

P.S. I've been looking at a few recent posts of my and realize I've gotten a bit repetitive. Sorry about that. I will try to come up with new topics. :-)

I haven't been very communicative lately. Too much. Too fast. I'm not really through grieving for my father, then Betty dies. Another family member was operated on (everything went okay she is healing nicely) and now my sister has been in the hospital too long. She came down with pneumonia and the doctor says it may have been caused by something called Valley Fever. Something I've never heard of before. They haven't confirmed the Valley Fever yet, she most certainly has a very serious case of pneumonia. So serious that she has been on a ventilator has been kept unconscious since she went to the emergency room. I just got a phone call from the hospital saying her doctor needs to talk to a family member about our "options". I am to put it lightly freaked. I will most likely be the one to make any decisions. My sister didn't leave a power of attorney or assign anyone to speak for her when she is ill and unable to speak for herself. I say I will probably be the one to decide because, well, because there is no one else. My father is gone. My mother is a basket case (completely understandably). That leaves the kids, Cheryl the youngest who has been the one the hospital has been communicating with because she's closest. She has made it clear that she isn't up to it. My brother won't help make the decision, so there's me. Linda never made her wishes clear on what she wants in situations like this. I hope I make the right choice for her. Everyone should feel free to comment, but don't anticipate a quick reply from me. I do tend to shut down during these kinds of things. All that goes through my head lately is I was always the one that was supposed to go first.

I went and saw this with loracs and dbubley. The play is about exactly what you think it's about and it's about something completely different. It's rough in parts. Some folks' fantasy is someone else's nightmare, but it was worth it to me. Good show. Grabbed some food at Westfield's (I think that's the name) fancy food court. I had nice time.

What a day. Lived through a very long panic attack. I called loracs in the midst of it. She stayed with me over the phone. Then serenejournal IM'ed me. She dropped everything to come be with me. They are such wonderful women and I am very lucky to have them in my life.

I wish I was feeling healthier. The cold is definitely going away, but I can't work up much enthusiasm for my birthday. dbubley is back at the rehab center, but she's still feeling nauseous and has just an awful roommate. She's not having fun. loracs is exhausted. serenejournal is dealing with so much. *sigh*

As you may have read elsewhere I had an interesting day yesterday. ( Details on my summer trip to the hospital. )