Vague Wisdom

Last night, almost 24 hours ago I passed out. loracs and I were coming back from a movie after having eaten Thanksgiving dinner. I had some gastric distress and felt pretty tired. So I asked loracs to put me to bed. I went to the bathroom, but still wasn't feeling so good. I had her put me to bed and roll me on my side half way onto my stomach. So I could try to squeeze out the Hindenburg of gas still in my intestines.

My head was on a pillow and my nose was a little stuffed, but I felt fine. She put the blanket on me to keep me warm and the sheet fell over my face. I knew it was there but it didn't seem to obstruct my breathing and I only planned to be laying on my side for a few minutes. I thought about asking her to remove the sheet, but I honestly felt fine about leaving it there.

loracs went to the study to give me some privacy, and I got to work. After a while, I started having trouble getting my breath. I wasn't scared, it wasn't a big deal. It was just uncomfortable. So I called loracs. No answer. I called louder and still no answer. I kept calling trying to get louder, but I started feeling like I couldn't breathe at all.

I tried to calm down. I tried to concentrate on breathing, but I didn't feel like I was getting much oxygen. Pippin, my dog, jumped on the bed and did what she usually does which is go get loracs. At least I think she went to loracs. I did hear her bark, but Pippin has been barking more lately because we are doing some home remodeling and she doesn't enjoy all the changes. I tried one more time to call loracs and still couldn't call out loud enough. Things started getting blurry and darker. I felt my throat completely close up. The last thing I remember thinking was: What a stupid way to die...

The next thing I knew, there were three big burly guys in my bedroom asking me questions. "Do you know who the president is?"

"Obama?" I answered.

"How old are you?"

"55"

"What year is it?"

I turned to loracs because the answer wouldn't come immediately. She shrugged waiting for my answer and then it came to me. "2013"

The answers seemed to satisfy them. I noticed every breath I took improved my mental state. Turns out they checked my O2 and it was at 92%. 95 to 100 is what I've been told is normal. I already felt like my O2 level was going up. After my bout with pneumonia years ago, I have some experience with these things. The paramedics wanted me to go to the hospital. They checked my heart and it seemed to be functioning normally. I tried to tell them that, because of my disability, I was unable to move my head when my airway got obstructed. I think they thought there was some other cause but I was pretty sure there wasn't.

So I'm fine now, but it was scary. loracs said when she came to check on me I was blue and unresponsive. She dialed 911 and tried to get me to react. She was just getting ready to try what she remembered of CPR when my eyes opened and I seemed to start breathing. I don't remember any of this. I really only came to after the paramedics got here.

I'll call my regular doctor after the holidays just to double check, but I'm feeling physically normal and only periodically freaked out for a minute or two.

loracs is blaming herself and I feel like if she is at fault, I'm at least 50% at fault as well. I thought about telling her to move the sheet, but it really didn't feel like it was obstructing my breathing, until it started obstructing my breathing. It was an accident. A scary accident. I'm certainly glad she was here to revive me.

Woke up this morning with cellulitis again. I got right on my antibiotics and I'm feeling better, but pretty exhausted. I was wondering why I was almost crying because I couldn't finish a quest in Asheron's Call. I tend to get emotional when I have cellulitis.

I got a notification from the county late last week that my attendant would be terminated unless she finished the IHSS Provider Enrollment. Which basically entails getting fingerprinted, background check, sitting through a training film (which had very little information about the actual job. But had lots of threats if one were to misrepresent hours worked.) And filling out a few forms. All of which had been done last year, but the notification may sound like to clear this up before the end of the month or my checks would discontinue. Calling IHSS was an adventure in itself. Talk about voicemail hell I've never worked so hard to make a phone call before. Anyway, turns out that we were fine, but the county had sent this threatening letter to everyone who received IHSS Whether or Not They Already Completed Provider Enrollment. Ain't that special?

Friends are coming over today I will probably watch them all help Carol pack up Betty's place in preparation for installing a new floor. I'm actually looking forward to a low key day with not demanding company. I hope you all have had a good holiday.

I came down with cellulitis yesterday (actually Sunday evening). I'm on antibiotics already, thank you on-call doctor, 24-hour pharmacy and especially my sweet, sweet loracs. I was disappointed because I had been feeling so physically strong earlier that week. Anyway, as often happens in my life along with the truly sucky stuff, there is a little good. I had managed to horn in on serenejournal and leback's lunch date yesterday. We were originally going to go out to eat, but as is often the case with cellulitis and antibiotics for me, the first few days make me very weak. So I wasn't up for going out to eat. I tried to "un-horn in" on the lunch, but they both decided to come over to my place. serenejournal made what I was told was a very tasty polenta. I tend to shut down when I'm sick and only really felt like drinking coffee and having a peanut butter and butter sandwich. We spent a truly lovely afternoon together. leback even brought me some peanut brittle (a favorite of mine). My joke for the afternoon was, "boy do I know how to show a woman a good time". Since the last time I saw leback she visited me in the hospital during my attack of pneumonia. The next time she sees me I'm down with cellulitis. I am a party animal!

Well, I'm home. I'm breathing well on room air. The doctors feel I'll completely recover. Longer, more detailed post to come. I'm overwhelmed by all the good wishes, cards, balloons, visits and phone calls. I'd like to especially thank tracytreefrog, dbubley, waywardcats, sogwife, and someotherguy. Also I wouldn't have made it through this without wild_irises and my partners; loracs, and serenejournal. Now I just want to stop feeling scared.