The Evil Twin
Jun. 8th, 2004 11:23 amI was with ![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
serenejournal on a movie date, when I found myself saying something terrible about a woman I saw
on the street. I wish this was an isolated incident but I do find myself every now and then saying something terrible about a stranger. I don't usually say it loud enough for anyone to hear (especially the person I'm commenting on) but I still say it. I don't feel good about it and I wish I knew why I do it. It's almost like there's someone else in me, with a a reservoir of anger, hate, petty bitterness that needs to leak out. An evil twin that must make himself known every couple of years (OK maybe every couple of months). I'm not trying to avoid responsibility. I know the evil twin is a part of me and I take full responsibility for his actions. I just wish I could find a way to distract him or get him to just shut up. His actions don't make me feel any better about myself. In fact, his "ventings" live with a me constantly. All out of proportion to their importance. I remember the evil twin's mutterings more profoundly than any more charitable act I accomplish in my life. Does this happen to other people? I assume my evil twin comes from some internalized family bull shit. I come from a fairly intolerant family. Not my immediate family so much, but grandparents, and uncles etc. weren't the most enlightened individuals. Anyway, this is what has been bothering me a great deal this last week especially.
serenejournal on a movie date, when I found myself saying something terrible about a woman I saw on the street. I wish this was an isolated incident but I do find myself every now and then saying something terrible about a stranger. I don't usually say it loud enough for anyone to hear (especially the person I'm commenting on) but I still say it. I don't feel good about it and I wish I knew why I do it. It's almost like there's someone else in me, with a a reservoir of anger, hate, petty bitterness that needs to leak out. An evil twin that must make himself known every couple of years (OK maybe every couple of months). I'm not trying to avoid responsibility. I know the evil twin is a part of me and I take full responsibility for his actions. I just wish I could find a way to distract him or get him to just shut up. His actions don't make me feel any better about myself. In fact, his "ventings" live with a me constantly. All out of proportion to their importance. I remember the evil twin's mutterings more profoundly than any more charitable act I accomplish in my life. Does this happen to other people? I assume my evil twin comes from some internalized family bull shit. I come from a fairly intolerant family. Not my immediate family so much, but grandparents, and uncles etc. weren't the most enlightened individuals. Anyway, this is what has been bothering me a great deal this last week especially.
