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Feb. 14th, 2004 03:40 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
stonebenderMy answers to rmjwell's questions
1. Tell me a story about our mutual friend, the late Derrick White.
This is probably one of those stories that you had to be there for but it's the first one that came to me. It's also not my finest hour. Derrick, Carol and I were all part of the Science Fiction Society at SIU. We did on occasion take great delight in embarrassing Derrick (which was remarkably easy to do).
This embarrass-Derrick moment was our last year together as a club. Derrick wasn't the most socially relaxed individual especially when it came to anything remotely sexual. The group of us decided to go to New York, New York. A new gay bar (in fact, the only gay bar at that time) in Carbondale. As was most of the bars in town, it was a disco place and all of the Science Fiction Society hated disco. We decided to go as a group, get on the dance floor and stand there doing nothing but moving one finger on one hand to the music. We just wanted to see what people would do.
Derrick wasn't particularly thrilled about going at all. I must remind you that I was only nineteen at the time and we were being stupid. Anyway, once at the disco, we did what we planned but no one noticed. I'm not really sure what we expected. Anyway, Derek was massively uncomfortable at the bar.
I ran into a couple of friends I knew from Southern Illinois Barbecue, a greasy spoon hang-out of mine. One of my friends was a woman considerably older than Derrick and very pretty. She got it in her head that she wanted Derrick on the dance floor. After trying to persuade him for a good fifteen minutes, she finally physically pulled him onto the dance floor. Derek wasn't the strongest person in the world so Karen pretty much threw him around the dance floor like a rag doll. She was also being very physically affectionate. He was beet red by the time the dance was over.
2. What is your spiritual path and how did you find yourself upon it?
I'm Umbanda. Which is an Afro-Brazilian religion based on a pantheon of deities called the Orisha. The Orisha were worshipped by the Yoruban people in what is now Nigeria. The religion has been heavily influenced by Catholicism, native American deities and some of the Loa (another pantheon of deities from Haiti, Cuba, and New Orleans). I've had my head washed (sort of a baptism) for Xango who you might call my patron deity.
How I became Umbanda is complicated. I was raised catholic and at about thirteen I rejected religion and called myself agnostic. After years of being agnostic I fell in love with Justine a woman I met at the Other Change of Hobbit, a science fiction book store in Berkeley. She was already involved with a friend of mine and wasn't poly, so I never pursued my interest in her. Until they broke up and she invited me to her spiritual house to observe an Umbanda ceremony.
To be completely honest, the only reason I went was because she invited me. Umbanda is a trans-possession religion where the deities "visit" their followers by using their bodies. The deities then share their knowledge or give blessings to followers. I went to several ceremonies and found myself participating more and more, which caused a certain crisis of faith in me, since I didn't believe in any supreme beings. Eventually, I came to the conclusion that attending the ceremonies made me feel good and were largely positive experiences in my life. Perhaps I'm just using the ceremonies to talk to myself or maybe god is really talking to me. I’m still not completely sure, but I find the ceremonies and thinking of the world as a place where deities exist useful to me. So I’m Umbanda.
3. Besides the question I just edited out of existence, what's the stupidest question you've ever gotten about disability (either your own or in general)?
Having someone ask me within the first five minutes of meeting me, "What's wrong with you?" I find it amazingly rude to ask about my disability so early. My disability is personal and has implications that I don't necessarily want to share with acquaintances. That does not mean that people who are friends of mine shouldn’t ask. I don't mind discussing my disability at all. It's just not something that should be inquired about casually. Asking me about my disability by saying "what's wrong" presupposes so much that I often have trouble even responding to such an inquiry. I guess many people would consider my disability something wrong with me. I don't pretend that I wouldn't prefer being able bodied, but it's not like being able bodied would be all good. Much of what I really like about myself has been a direct result of my disability. Losing it would be a large change in my core being. It isn't what is "wrong" it's part of who I am. If any of this makes sense.
4. What have you found to be the differences (if any) between the way people handle relationships on the left coast from the midwest?
This is a good question I'd never thought of it before. In my experience, when I dated in the Midwest, there was a lot of nonverbal negotiation that I was completely oblivious to. Certain activities were expected at certain times during the dating process which I didn't know anything about. I’m not sure why, but my experience with dating in California is that talking about the relationship is much more expected. This could be the result of my dating acknowledged poly people rather than dating in the midwest. Since all poly folk seem to be relationship geeks of one sort or another
5. What are the last 6 songs you listened to?
"Nowhere Kids", by Smile Empty Soul
"Nobody Weird Like Me", by Red Hot Chili Peppers
"Girlfriend in a Come", by The Smiths
"Deep Dish", by Ani DiFranco
"Sleep Tonight", by The Rolling Stones
"About a Girl", by Nirvana
rmjwell's questions 1. Tell me a story about our mutual friend, the late Derrick White.
This is probably one of those stories that you had to be there for but it's the first one that came to me. It's also not my finest hour. Derrick, Carol and I were all part of the Science Fiction Society at SIU. We did on occasion take great delight in embarrassing Derrick (which was remarkably easy to do).
This embarrass-Derrick moment was our last year together as a club. Derrick wasn't the most socially relaxed individual especially when it came to anything remotely sexual. The group of us decided to go to New York, New York. A new gay bar (in fact, the only gay bar at that time) in Carbondale. As was most of the bars in town, it was a disco place and all of the Science Fiction Society hated disco. We decided to go as a group, get on the dance floor and stand there doing nothing but moving one finger on one hand to the music. We just wanted to see what people would do.
Derrick wasn't particularly thrilled about going at all. I must remind you that I was only nineteen at the time and we were being stupid. Anyway, once at the disco, we did what we planned but no one noticed. I'm not really sure what we expected. Anyway, Derek was massively uncomfortable at the bar.
I ran into a couple of friends I knew from Southern Illinois Barbecue, a greasy spoon hang-out of mine. One of my friends was a woman considerably older than Derrick and very pretty. She got it in her head that she wanted Derrick on the dance floor. After trying to persuade him for a good fifteen minutes, she finally physically pulled him onto the dance floor. Derek wasn't the strongest person in the world so Karen pretty much threw him around the dance floor like a rag doll. She was also being very physically affectionate. He was beet red by the time the dance was over.
2. What is your spiritual path and how did you find yourself upon it?
I'm Umbanda. Which is an Afro-Brazilian religion based on a pantheon of deities called the Orisha. The Orisha were worshipped by the Yoruban people in what is now Nigeria. The religion has been heavily influenced by Catholicism, native American deities and some of the Loa (another pantheon of deities from Haiti, Cuba, and New Orleans). I've had my head washed (sort of a baptism) for Xango who you might call my patron deity.
How I became Umbanda is complicated. I was raised catholic and at about thirteen I rejected religion and called myself agnostic. After years of being agnostic I fell in love with Justine a woman I met at the Other Change of Hobbit, a science fiction book store in Berkeley. She was already involved with a friend of mine and wasn't poly, so I never pursued my interest in her. Until they broke up and she invited me to her spiritual house to observe an Umbanda ceremony.
To be completely honest, the only reason I went was because she invited me. Umbanda is a trans-possession religion where the deities "visit" their followers by using their bodies. The deities then share their knowledge or give blessings to followers. I went to several ceremonies and found myself participating more and more, which caused a certain crisis of faith in me, since I didn't believe in any supreme beings. Eventually, I came to the conclusion that attending the ceremonies made me feel good and were largely positive experiences in my life. Perhaps I'm just using the ceremonies to talk to myself or maybe god is really talking to me. I’m still not completely sure, but I find the ceremonies and thinking of the world as a place where deities exist useful to me. So I’m Umbanda.
3. Besides the question I just edited out of existence, what's the stupidest question you've ever gotten about disability (either your own or in general)?
Having someone ask me within the first five minutes of meeting me, "What's wrong with you?" I find it amazingly rude to ask about my disability so early. My disability is personal and has implications that I don't necessarily want to share with acquaintances. That does not mean that people who are friends of mine shouldn’t ask. I don't mind discussing my disability at all. It's just not something that should be inquired about casually. Asking me about my disability by saying "what's wrong" presupposes so much that I often have trouble even responding to such an inquiry. I guess many people would consider my disability something wrong with me. I don't pretend that I wouldn't prefer being able bodied, but it's not like being able bodied would be all good. Much of what I really like about myself has been a direct result of my disability. Losing it would be a large change in my core being. It isn't what is "wrong" it's part of who I am. If any of this makes sense.
4. What have you found to be the differences (if any) between the way people handle relationships on the left coast from the midwest?
This is a good question I'd never thought of it before. In my experience, when I dated in the Midwest, there was a lot of nonverbal negotiation that I was completely oblivious to. Certain activities were expected at certain times during the dating process which I didn't know anything about. I’m not sure why, but my experience with dating in California is that talking about the relationship is much more expected. This could be the result of my dating acknowledged poly people rather than dating in the midwest. Since all poly folk seem to be relationship geeks of one sort or another
5. What are the last 6 songs you listened to?
"Nowhere Kids", by Smile Empty Soul
"Nobody Weird Like Me", by Red Hot Chili Peppers
"Girlfriend in a Come", by The Smiths
"Deep Dish", by Ani DiFranco
"Sleep Tonight", by The Rolling Stones
"About a Girl", by Nirvana
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Date: 2004-02-15 12:50 am (UTC)Thank you for the info about Umbanda. I know we had talked about it earlier in our acquaintance, but I'd forgotten some of the details. Amusing story: Yesterday for PantheaCon I pulled out my apc10 t-shirt (black with a red logo involving spiraling hearts). Last night at PCon was a ritual for PombaGira (didn't attend it as I needed to get home). It wasn't until I looked at the program book that I saw the request that folks attending that ritual wear something red and black and sexy.
I was greatly amused by the synchronicity.
Re:
Date: 2004-02-15 01:11 am (UTC)Re:
Date: 2004-04-12 02:39 pm (UTC)Re:
Date: 2004-04-12 04:20 pm (UTC)