(no subject)

[stonebender]

with serenejournal

Just so you know, I had a spectacular weekend. The beautiful serenejournal came up for a visit from San Diego. Even though we've known each other for years on the periphery, and have been serious about each other for months now, this is only are our third "date" face-to-face. This visit felt much more like a "marriage" in the good way. Most of our anxiousness about each other has faded. We're comfortable with each other. I feel much easier about the silences, the just hanging out. I don't feel the pressure to keep her entertained (not that we aren't very entertaining to each other :-) It's a warmer comfy feeling between us now. We used to joke about keeping the NRE going (Shooting for the record for the longest period of NRE). Although, we still have bursts of NRE-like feelings, I think we’re settling down to a warm and passionate relationship. It's all very, very good!

She managed to arrive at my place around 1:00 PM by waking at her usual time for work (which I still think is a mythical time period. I mean people stay up until 4:30 in the morning. They don't wake up at such an ungodly hour! :-) and driving like a maniac! Unlike last visit, we actually slept together as in going to sleep. I had some anxiety about this particular activity because whoever sleeps with me will be woken up several times to help reposition me. (Since, I don't do a lot of moving on my own.) serenejournal had assured me that wasn't going to be a problem. She usually does that, but I'm always certain that I'm much more of a burden than she seems to think I am.

This is just one detail in a long line of concerns I have when starting new relationships. It's just not easy to be realistic about the demands a potential partner will need to deal with in having a relationship with me. Frankly, I can't figure out why anyone would have a relationship with me. Given some of the hurdles that need to be jumped.

Without giving TMI we really did well on our own, Friday night. We went to bed much earlier than I usually do, 8:00! The plan was to take a "nap" (okay, not just a nap ;-) and we would get up later. serenejournal tried to wake me but I never managed to get my butt out of bed until 6:30 the next morning. She made me French toast (tell me I'm not a lucky man) and we spent a perfectly lovely lazy day together. Saturday evening, serenejournal met Betty (my SO’s OSO and our housemate). Betty had been in the hospital on serenejournal's last visit. I had worried about their meeting. Not that Betty has any real say, on who I have relationships with; it's much easier if she gets along with my lovers. Everyone is getting along with everyone else. This transition has been remarkably easy.

Now that we're settling in a little, I have noticed a couple of things about Poly I had not anticipated. Granted, they are on the negative side. I do not mean to suggest that I am unhappy. These are details I had not considered when I became actively polyamorous.

Being poly appears to mean to me:

* Now, I have twice as many purses to carry as I used to have.
* It is not possible to find one meal that everyone will love.
* I now have two women who can tease me mercilessly.
* I get to worry about the well-being and safety of twice as many people.
* It is possible to be sexually satiated.
* It is possible to be sexually satiated and still want sex.
* Since I am an evening person I am only allowed to fall in love with morning people.
* I really enjoy confusing acquaintances with who is and is not my partner.
* When my self-esteem is suffering I am outvoted.

Comments

[lcohen]

Frankly, I can't figure out why anyone would have a relationship with me. Given some of the hurdles that need to be jumped.

you know something? this is a really common fear. i mean i have it (i'm allergic to lots of things, including perfume which means that a partner of mine has to agree to only use cleaning and beauty products that will not make me stop breathing). i'm not saying that life with you doesn't present challenges because i know it does, but i am saying that lots of other people are going around thinking similar things about themselves and yet they find people who will look past the challenges and love them. in a way, it's an effective screen for people who aren't worth your time.

look at it this way--the reward they find for jumping through the hurdles is a relationship with *you*. pretty good deal all around, no?

[stonebender.livejournal.com]

Frankly, I can't figure out why anyone would have a relationship with me. Given some of the hurdles that need to be jumped.

you know something? this is a really common fear. i mean i have it (i'm allergic to lots of things, including perfume which means that a partner of mine has to agree to only use cleaning and beauty products that will not make me stop breathing).

*nod* *nod*

i'm not saying that life with you doesn't present challenges because i know it does, but i am saying that lots of other people are going around thinking similar things about themselves and yet they find people who will look past the challenges and love them. in a way, it's an effective screen for people who aren't worth your time.

That's a very useful way to look at it. I will try to learn how to look at it that way. It is certainly true that the two who have jumped all the hurdles are truly wonderful women that I'm very proud to have in my life.

look at it this way--the reward they find for jumping through the hurdles is a relationship with *you*. pretty good deal all around, no?

:-) Some might disagree (on bad days even I would), but I'd like to think that a relationship with me is generally a good thing.

I would like to say that an unexpected benefit of my relationship with serene is having so many truly remarkable new friends. I want you to know that it is an honor to get to know you. I look forward to a good long friendship with you. Thank you for the kind words.

[lcohen]

i'm enjoying getting to know you, too. i was just expressing to serene that i was regretting not going over and trying to get to meet you this last trip since it's likely to be a long time before i head out that way again, now that my chief reason for traveling out there has disappeared. i need to lure the two of you to chicago!