(no subject)

[stonebender]

I get the feeling I have caused some of my friends some distress with my 20 mystery comments. Thinking back on the whole thing I probably should not have participated. I did enter into this particular meme with little thought. I use most of these live journal games and quizzes as a way to spur me toward posting. I have a bit of a love hate relationship with writing. I love having written something. I feel very accomplished when I complete a written work, but I don't like writing very much. I find it difficult to get started. I am often filled with self-doubt about what I write. Why the heck anyone would be interested in anything I had to say is often beyond me. What I have liked about live journal is because I want to feel included in this cool group of people, it pushes me to write.

Often when I do write, I talk myself out of posting what I have written one way or another. To circumvent this I have made myself a promise not to think too much about posting a piece of writing. Write it. Post it. Don't allow myself to talk myself out of posting my writing. This has worked well, helping me produce written material. I'm not sure it's worked very well for those who might be affected by what I have to say.

I did intend my 20 comments to be mostly positive (I don't think there's more than two or three that could be read as negative). I also never intended any comment (except in one circumstance) to really be about an individual friend. What I hoped would happen would be most of the comments could be applied to most of my friends one way or another. Sort of like my version of a positive Dot Cattiness. I never expected the few negative comments to be the ones that many believed were about them. I'm sorry if I caused anyone any distress.

It is important to realize that in several cases what my friends post in their journal is all I have to judge them by. Which is a very narrow data set to be making any judgments on at all. If anyone happens to think a particularly negative comment was for them. It most likely wasn't and if it was, what the heck do I know anyway?

Comments

[dawnd.livejournal.com]

Hey Guy:

Thanks for this. I decided not to get into that meme because of the very problem you experienced. I have a tendency to take too many things personally already. So in some ways, your list was a good QTIP ("Quit Taking It Personally") exercise for me ;^). My experience shows that most people are extremely good at listening for the negative, and discarding the positive, even when they're SURE that it's about them. I'm not surprised that many on your friends' list latched on to the negatives, and that few believed that the positives could REALLY be about them. It's a sad statement about our society that this is so for so many of us. Nevertheless, it's comforting to have you write this, and I appreciate that you took the time to do so. Says some good things about how much you value your friends (and even acquaintances).

Thanks.

[lcohen]

did you get a lot of feedback in ways other than comments? the few that you received look like the people are mostly just kidding around. based just on reactions that i can see, it doesn't seem like people were offended.

the apology is nice, but my first thought is that you may be worrying too much. and now i'm reluctant to tell you that because it might be interpreted as discouraging this piece of writing and that's not how it's intended--it's meant to be reassuring about the earlier piece of writing. eep!

[stonebender.livejournal.com]

did you get a lot of feedback in ways other than comments? the few that you received look like the people are mostly just kidding around. based just on reactions that i can see, it doesn't seem like people were offended.

My comment wasn't a response to any comment I received here.

the apology is nice, but my first thought is that you may be worrying too much.

Who, Me!? :-) It wouldn't be the first time.

and now i'm reluctant to tell you that because it might be interpreted as discouraging this piece of writing and that's not how it's intended--it's meant to be reassuring about the earlier piece of writing. eep!

*chuckle* I'm reassured. Thank you Lisa. I'm not as easily discouraged as I may present myself.

[nellorat.livejournal.com]

When I made the general comment about "20 anonymous comments" in my LJ, your was one of the main lists I had in mind--but I wasn't offended at all, more frustrated by the whole idea. Overall, your approach to writing in LJ sounds like a good one. I have a similar "just write it and post it" philosophy, though for slightly different reasons.

[stonebender.livejournal.com]

What was it about my list in particular that prompted your comment? If you don't mind my asking.

[nellorat.livejournal.com]

First, I didn't even know if I was on it or not--you know, could have been either way. Then, as I read it, as I said, it seemed a vast range of comments could have applied (if I *was* included), and I had no idea how to rule *any* of those out (as being about someone else). So it was evocative--as I sometimes read all of the newspaper horoscopes and try to see if *any* of the advice is usable by me at that time--but, as I said, frustrating. *Any* anonymous list I might or might not be on would feel the same. Clear?

[stonebender.livejournal.com]

Sure that makes sense. Except for the frustration part, that's exactly how I wanted people to take my comments. So I guess I have no reason to be surprised.

FWIW

[firecat]

I don't like the 20 comments meme, but I wasn't offended by any individual person's 20 comments post, including yours. I saw one comment that was similar to something you said to me another time. I thought it might be directed at me, but that was fine since you'd already said it. As far as the others were concerned, I either assumed they weren't directed at me or I didn't have enough information to know one way or another, so I didn't worry about it.

I like it that you write stuff. So whatever gets you writing is all right by me. :)

Re: FWIW

[stonebender.livejournal.com]

Thank you for the comment and I'm pleased you like it that I write.

[serenejournal.livejournal.com]

I still think posting without overthinking things is a good strategy for you. Once in a while, it might backfire, but I think it's been great to see some of your thoughts written out here.

[stonebender.livejournal.com]

I hope it is. Of course people may discover that I have nothing particularly interesting to say.

[serenejournal.livejournal.com]

They may, and then you may have to (*gasp*) base your self-image on what you think of yourSELF. ;-)

*smooch*

[stonebender.livejournal.com]

!!! I don't know. That might not be the best way to go for my self-image. I don't always think much of myself.

[serenejournal.livejournal.com]

Well, the solution here seems obvious: Base your self-image on what I think of you! :-)

[stonebender.livejournal.com]

I love you.

[serenejournal.livejournal.com]

:-) I love you, too.