(no subject)

[stonebender]

Yesterday I went to the Twisted Tea Dance at the el Rio in San Francisco. Carol, my SO, is a member of the Phat Fly Girls. Which was one of the groups/people performing that night. It was a fundraiser for Big Moves. I had not intended to go. I have seen Carol, her group, and many of the other performers many times. It sounded like a party kind of thing and I'm not particularly good at parties. I'm good at talking in small groups, but at 45, I still have not figured out how to mingle at a party.

Although, Carol assured me that it would be fine if I stayed home. She kept forgetting that I said I wasn't coming. After four or five iterations of, "I thought you were coming with us!" "No, I told you I didn't feel like going." I took the the hint and acquiesced.

I had never been to the el Rio and I did not realize it was an outdoor venue. It is rare that I am outside in San Francisco for very long without freezing. I'm not very good at being cold. I joke all the time that I am a lizard. Give me a rock and a sunny place and I am a happy boy. There was no rock and very little sun Saturday.

It was nice to see folks that I had not seen in quite a while. Saw joedecker, Eric, Beth, cassidyrose (who I have seen more often than the previous 3, and who looks pretty good in a suit :-). I got to meet mactavish in person too!

The show was lots of fun. Carolin, the MC, is a favorite of mine. I liked the DJ even though he wasn't playing an era that I particularly enjoy, early '80s. The Phat Fly Girls did a new dance routine that I had not seen. It was lots of fun. cassidyrose did a solo, followed by Queen Justine. Who I got to talk to for a little bit! *pant, pant* There was much eye-candy of various flavors to be found. I really enjoyed the one singer, whose name I can't remember at this moment. She sounded a bit like Sarah McLachlan with an edge.

I'd like to ask something of folk who read this. Especially those who made it to the Twisted Tea and I would really appreciate people being gentle about their comments because I'm feeling a little vulnerable about asking this question. As I said earlier, I don't mingle very well at parties. Some reasons I don't are mechanical. It's difficult to maneuver my wheelchair through a crowd and I can become an obstruction. So I tend to shy away from being anywhere near the path of travel, if at all possible. Now, I don't want to give the impression that I was being snubbed by anyone I know. Most everyone made the attempt of talking to me for a little while. However, lots of folks were talking and I felt pretty isolated. I'm sure that it is something that I am doing, but I can't figure out how not to do it. Would anyone have any suggestions about what I could do differently? Recognize the fact that I don't have the ability to do a lot of the nonverbal posturing that people do. For those who don't know me my disability makes me unable to really move my arms or legs. How did people experience me that evening? Did I appear unfriendly or was it something else? I would appreciate whatever, gentle, feedback people had. Thanks

Comments

[firecat]

I wasn't there so I can't speak to the logistics of the situation. I can only speak to my experience of large crowds. I often feel simultaneously isolated and trapped. It helps if I have one or more people I can rely on to hang with me if I start feeling uncomfortable. I sometimes prearrange this with friends. If I prearrange it with several friends, then I don't feel as if I am burdening any one person.

[stonebender.livejournal.com]

Good suggestion, thanks. Trapped isn't exactly how I feel. Sometimes I feel like I'm "in the way". I just wish I could feel more a part of the group at these things and I think I'm doing something to distance myself from the group.