(no subject)

[stonebender]

serenejournal has met a few people recently who say they know me. In each case the people were what I would consider acquaintances. In one case I had met the person face-to-face maybe twice and exchanged perhaps a handful of words. In another case, I had "known" the person via e-mail for years but never had occasion to sit down and say more than hello or goodbye face-to-face. Even online we may have read each other's posts to a common mailing list, but hadn't had much interaction directly with each other.

Yet both people seemed to think they knew me well enough that they could make predictions about my preferences or habits. In my mind, I didn't know either of them well. Yes, I knew their names. Yes, I could point them out in a crowd but know them? I didn't think I knew either of them at all, nor they I.

Now in the last few years I have been trying to put myself out there more. Trying to make new friends and new connections. Much of this is complicated by my natural reticence to organize get-togethers at my place and the inaccessibility of most people's houses. I have attempted to be more active on newsgroups and mailing lists and here. I haven't been particularly successful in boosting my word count.

So I'm wondering what makes people feel like they know someone? How many people on my friends list think they know me? And how well? Of those who think they know me do I seem "like me" online? Is this whole subject just a pathetic attempt at attention?

Comments

[stonebender.livejournal.com]

I know you only well enough to know I'd like to know you better.

Why thank you the feeling is mutual.

I can only speak to my own experience. There are people with whom I've been intimate who don't really know me. And people whom I've never met face-to-face who know me very, very well.

I think I start to feel that I know someone when I can predict with a large percentage of accuracy their opinions, reactions and behavior. I know someone to a deeper level when I start to understand what makes them happy, makes them feel loved, upsets them. All this depends on a high degree of communication over a period of time, though, y'know?

Yeah, that makes sense to me. When serenejournal and I were talking about it. We thought there were things about each other that we didn't even know yet and we had done a fair bit of communicating. I've known loracs as long as anybody outside my blood family and she still surprises me. There are really very few people that I feel I know very well. There is a larger number of people that I think I know. I just wonder where or how people decide when they know someone. I'm not completely sure I can answer my own question.