alt.poly

[stonebender]

I really shouldn't let people bother me as much as I do. Especially, when it comes to public online forums. Just when I started feeling a little more comfortable participating I get slapped down. I know I need a thicker skin and sometimes I can cobble one together. Am I really being insensitive?

Comments

Re: alt.poly

[pir-anha.livejournal.com]

my initial reaction was similar to his.

i think i see now another reason for the disconnect:

when you talk about not understanding people in this context, you mean that you don't feel the way they feel, and you don't know how they get there emotionally, yes? you do intellectually understand what people have explained to you, right?

i'd been approaching the questions from an intellectual point of view. i can usually learn to understand others intellectually, even if my emotions don't ever get there. frex, i can understand that somebody has a fear of dogs because zie was bitten as a child -- that makes sense intellectually, though i'll not really understand emotionally what it feels like to carry that degree of fear around for years when there are so many clearly nice dogs in the world, and why doesn't the person do some aversion therapy, and it's not really fair to all the non-biting dogs, and all the other things that go into emotional empathy for me. i try to base my actions on my intellectual understanding; that way i am not trying to eke out some reasonable judgment while trying to navigate what feels like emotional martian landscape.

Re: alt.poly

[stonebender.livejournal.com]

when you talk about not understanding people in this context, you mean that you don't feel the way they feel, and you don't know how they get there emotionally, yes? you do intellectually understand what people have explained to you, right?

Yes, exactly!

i'd been approaching the questions from an intellectual point of view. i can usually learn to understand others intellectually, even if my emotions don't ever get there. frex, i can understand that somebody has a fear of dogs because zie was bitten as a child -- that makes sense intellectually, though i'll not really understand emotionally what it feels like to carry that degree of fear around for years when there are so many clearly nice dogs in the world, and why doesn't the person do some aversion therapy, and it's not really fair to all the non-biting dogs, and all the other things that go into emotional empathy for me. i try to base my actions on my intellectual understanding; that way i am not trying to eke out some reasonable judgment while trying to navigate what feels like emotional martian landscape.

That's very helpful to me. Thanks!

Re: alt.poly

[pir-anha.livejournal.com]

yay; intellectual and emotional understanding has been achieved. :)