(no subject)

[stonebender]

Just stuff going through my head. I could just be .

I've got to figure out a way to socialize more. This is complicated by my being unable to enter or exit my house unassisted. Some adaptive equipment may be able to solve some of this. someotherguy has kindly offered to help me plan and install some X-10 devices that could help. I can't really start working on this until January.

wild_irises is going through a rough time and I'm worried about her. I'd say more but it's really her news to share or not as she wishes. We and other friends were going to the theater today, but she had to cancel. I'm still going, but it puts a bit of a pall over things.

I'm beginning to think that I have lost the ability to judge my response to things. Small arguments upset me out of proportion. I obsess over small mistakes. serenejournal thinks I'm alone too much. She's probably right, but I don't feel generally depressed. My emotions just seemed escalate quickly these days.

I’m considering quitting the board of CIL (The Center for Independent Living) again. I had recently got talked into a six-month hiatus after I offered my resignation. I've started going to meetings the last few months, but I feel really disconnected from everyone now. I know I'm burned out some. I need to find out what I should be doing was my life. I don't feel I have the tools for advocacy anymore, but I have a strong desire to "do good" for "be useful".

I keep calling myself a writer, but it's been forever since I sold anything. (Or sent any stories out actually). I feel like I should stop pretending or start sending things out. I think I'll stop here for now.

Comments

[serenejournal.livejournal.com]

Do you think the fact that we gripe so much about that situation might make it worse?

[stonebender.livejournal.com]

If it where the only thing I'd agree. It isn't. I referred to it because its a situation you witnessed. I've had brain burps that turned into fights. Board disagreements that make me wanna quit. Normal stuff that blows up quickly.

[serenejournal.livejournal.com]

Yeah. When that happens to me, I find myself looking for physical reasons first, and then examining whether there's something I'm feeling fearful or anxious about. I'm not usually easily annoyed, so when I am, it makes me wonder what's wrong.