I shouldn't post when I'm sad

[stonebender]

I wish there was a way to back out of a discussion without leaving it "tainted". Any of the established ways I had seen for ending a discussion without agreement feels like a tacit agreement or continued disagreement. Which seems to lead towards bad feelings in my experience. A partner of mine suggested the term "tabling" a discussion like in Roberts Rules. Which might work. A way to suspend discussion until the participating parties are up to continuing a discussion constructively.

I've been alone more than I would like recently. My LDR has helped some with that, we e-mail almost constantly during the week. The weekend is a little spottier contact wise. Although, she did call me today, which was a great surprise. :-) My live-in partner is pretty unavailable during the weekend's. Which makes my weekends pretty solitary, except for the bi-monthly visits from my LDR. Due to health issues from my live-in partner's partner, I've needed to rely on my self. Meaning, I've been alone more than I would like.

I've been thinking probably too much about ex's of mine. Well, one ex really and one woman I pined over even though we never really had anything more than a friendship (who am I kidding, we weren't even friends). *sigh*

Anyone ever Google the names of ex's or am I the only one? I found out that my not really ex has a new last name. The last word I heard from her was she had fallen in love with her therapist. I wonder if she married her or did she marry someone else? I also found out that she has become a therapist herself.

The other woman that I think of as my ex, dumped me after a couple of months. She has a livejournal that I don't look at much. It feels weird to have people in your life that once were so very close to you, but now are as good as strangers. One of the reasons I think of myself Poly is, I'm not very good at not loving people I have fallen in love with. Even though we don't talk or see each other any more I have a weird phantom pain for them. Even though they're not with me anymore, I feel connected to them. I wish they would call me and let me know what's going on with them. I wish they would welcome a call from me.

Comments

[lcohen]

i'm not poly, but i still love many of the people who i was once in love with--i just don't love them romantically or have any sexual desire for them. i have three main exes and all of them are still part of my life to some extent, even though in one case the parting was far from amicable. after the relationships were over, i was invited to the wedding of one them's sister, to the funeral of one's grandmother who i was close to when we were together--i've written in my LJ about visiting one of them's mother who is dying of cancer. i consider them family--probably around the level of cousin.

i don't know if that's because the relationships were longer than it sounds like the ones that you are describing were, or if it is such a total part of lesbian culture to try to stay friends with your exes (post cooling off/getting over being angry period, in many cases), or if your exes actually would be glad to hear from you at this point and it's just a lack of confidence that tells you otherwise. i guess you'd have to make it clear that you weren't looking to resume/start a relationship or else getting in touch might not be welcome, but a "hi, i was just thinking about you and wondering how you were doing these days?" call doesn't sound too terrible, unless one or both of them told you never to call them or come anywhere near them again.

*hug* cause you're feeling lonesome

[stonebender.livejournal.com]

i'm not poly, but i still love many of the people who i was once in love with--i just don't love them romantically or have any sexual desire for them.

I didn't mean to suggest my feeling were exclusive to poly. I just ment that I used to think it was a "feature" of poly that one didn't have to separate from loved ones. A silly notion, I admit.

I guess I still want to love them romantically, even now.

i have three main exes and all of them are still part of my life to some extent, even though in one case the parting was far from amicable. after the relationships were over, i was invited to the wedding of one them's sister, to the funeral of one's grandmother who i was close to when we were together--i've written in my LJ about visiting one of them's mother who is dying of cancer. i consider them family--probably around the level of cousin.

That's amazing to me. You should be proud of that.

i don't know if that's because the relationships were longer than it sounds like the ones that you are describing were,

I seem to do really long relationships or very short. My live in SO is 20 years and counting. My Ex and I were involved a few months. The other "ex" was more wishful thinking, but we dated a few times.

or if it is such a total part of lesbian culture to try to stay friends with your exes (post cooling off/getting over being angry period, in many cases), or if your exes actually would be glad to hear from you at this point and it's just a lack of confidence that tells you otherwise.

Both are possible.

i guess you'd have to make it clear that you weren't looking to resume/start a relationship or else getting in touch might not be welcome, but a "hi, i was just thinking about you and wondering how you were doing these days?" call doesn't sound too terrible, unless one or both of them told you never to call them or come anywhere near them again.

They weren't that definite. I'll consider taking a shot.

*hug* cause you're feeling lonesome

Thank you.