I shouldn't post when I'm sad

[stonebender]

I wish there was a way to back out of a discussion without leaving it "tainted". Any of the established ways I had seen for ending a discussion without agreement feels like a tacit agreement or continued disagreement. Which seems to lead towards bad feelings in my experience. A partner of mine suggested the term "tabling" a discussion like in Roberts Rules. Which might work. A way to suspend discussion until the participating parties are up to continuing a discussion constructively.

I've been alone more than I would like recently. My LDR has helped some with that, we e-mail almost constantly during the week. The weekend is a little spottier contact wise. Although, she did call me today, which was a great surprise. :-) My live-in partner is pretty unavailable during the weekend's. Which makes my weekends pretty solitary, except for the bi-monthly visits from my LDR. Due to health issues from my live-in partner's partner, I've needed to rely on my self. Meaning, I've been alone more than I would like.

I've been thinking probably too much about ex's of mine. Well, one ex really and one woman I pined over even though we never really had anything more than a friendship (who am I kidding, we weren't even friends). *sigh*

Anyone ever Google the names of ex's or am I the only one? I found out that my not really ex has a new last name. The last word I heard from her was she had fallen in love with her therapist. I wonder if she married her or did she marry someone else? I also found out that she has become a therapist herself.

The other woman that I think of as my ex, dumped me after a couple of months. She has a livejournal that I don't look at much. It feels weird to have people in your life that once were so very close to you, but now are as good as strangers. One of the reasons I think of myself Poly is, I'm not very good at not loving people I have fallen in love with. Even though we don't talk or see each other any more I have a weird phantom pain for them. Even though they're not with me anymore, I feel connected to them. I wish they would call me and let me know what's going on with them. I wish they would welcome a call from me.

Comments

[kimberly-a.livejournal.com]

Anyone ever Google the names of ex's or am I the only one?

You are definitely not alone in this. I've Googled all of my exes at various times, just wondering what's up with them. In general, I've been frustrated at the lack of info online about the particular people I want to know about. Yes, I already knew that Man 1 was a doctor in San Francisco. Tell me something about what he's been doing lately! And yeah, I know that Man 2 did such-and-such 10 years ago. Sigh.

The longer it's been since I've had contact with someone, the more likely I am to find interesting info online about them. I found great stuff about some of my old high school crushes, for example.

One of the reasons I think of myself Poly is, I'm not very good at not loving people I have fallen in love with. Even though we don't talk or see each other any more I have a weird phantom pain for them. Even though they're not with me anymore, I feel connected to them. I wish they would call me and let me know what's going on with them. I wish they would welcome a call from me.

I'm much the same way. There are only one or two people I've been in love with to whom I don't still feel some amount of connection. Being in love is an altering experience for me; I'm not the same afterward. My connection to that person has changed me, and will always be a part of who I am from now on.

I'm still quite friendly with some of my exes; I actively avoid others (who hurt me too terribly); and others actively avoid me (probably because I hurt them too terribly). Well, okay, only one actively avoids me, that I know of. But I still care about all of them, very much. They're still a part of my life, on some level, even if I'm not a part of theirs.

For me, the love doesn't go away, even after the "in love" does.