I shouldn't post when I'm sad

[stonebender]

I wish there was a way to back out of a discussion without leaving it "tainted". Any of the established ways I had seen for ending a discussion without agreement feels like a tacit agreement or continued disagreement. Which seems to lead towards bad feelings in my experience. A partner of mine suggested the term "tabling" a discussion like in Roberts Rules. Which might work. A way to suspend discussion until the participating parties are up to continuing a discussion constructively.

I've been alone more than I would like recently. My LDR has helped some with that, we e-mail almost constantly during the week. The weekend is a little spottier contact wise. Although, she did call me today, which was a great surprise. :-) My live-in partner is pretty unavailable during the weekend's. Which makes my weekends pretty solitary, except for the bi-monthly visits from my LDR. Due to health issues from my live-in partner's partner, I've needed to rely on my self. Meaning, I've been alone more than I would like.

I've been thinking probably too much about ex's of mine. Well, one ex really and one woman I pined over even though we never really had anything more than a friendship (who am I kidding, we weren't even friends). *sigh*

Anyone ever Google the names of ex's or am I the only one? I found out that my not really ex has a new last name. The last word I heard from her was she had fallen in love with her therapist. I wonder if she married her or did she marry someone else? I also found out that she has become a therapist herself.

The other woman that I think of as my ex, dumped me after a couple of months. She has a livejournal that I don't look at much. It feels weird to have people in your life that once were so very close to you, but now are as good as strangers. One of the reasons I think of myself Poly is, I'm not very good at not loving people I have fallen in love with. Even though we don't talk or see each other any more I have a weird phantom pain for them. Even though they're not with me anymore, I feel connected to them. I wish they would call me and let me know what's going on with them. I wish they would welcome a call from me.

Comments

[pyrzqxgl.livejournal.com]

I never stop quoting Romanovsky and Phillips. From their song "Closing Chapter":

Now I try to learn to call you my ex-lover
But how do you ex-love someone?

I also love to (try to, anyway) look people up online -- I found out that way that a former partner had played on two CDs, so I bought them. And I can definitely get depressed about people no longer being in my life. And I should have gone to sleep hours ago.

[stonebender.livejournal.com]

Great quote!

[pyrzqxgl.livejournal.com]

Well in that case you get the whole song. :-) (Though as you can imagine it's better to actually *hear* it.)

It's not a simple case of breaking up
One chapter's closed, another has begun
Now I try to learn to call you my ex-lover
But how do you ex-love someone?

Are you a friend or foe or just a ghost?
I see the hurt so deep within your eyes
But the love runs deep as the river of our sorrow
With currents just as strong as family ties

All the men I've ever loved
Remain a part of me for good
I can't let them go completely
Even when my heart knows I should

Don't think it's easy for me
To watch our hopes turn to shattered dreams
It takes time to sincerely say goodbye
And it takes time for dreams to die

But I won't forget the way you held me tight
Not even if we're ever far apart
And the love we lost will in time be rediscovered
In another corner of the heart

All the men I've ever loved
Remain a part of me for good
I can't let them go completely
Even when my heart knows I should

I recommend the album/CD/tape the song is from, too -- "Be Political Not Polite" -- it's one of my favorites.

[stonebender.livejournal.com]

Thanks, I'll look it up!